sometimes the hardest thing to do is the right thing

guess what. 3 weeks went by..the best 3 weeks...and well i am now single. we broke up, lets see...about 6hours ago? Yes we are still friends, we are good friends...thats the good news. we talked and the cool thing about our relationship is that we always felt the same thing, if i was happy so was he , if i didnt wanna see him he didnt either. and well today we both felt we should break it off. it was the HARDEST thing (pretty much). we both wouldnt talk , we wanted the other one to say it but we couldnt because we dont want to let go, sometimes ppl just want to hold on and we happen to want to hold on a little longer but we figured that if we dont break up now we never will because it will be too hard later on beacause we are getting to attached too fast. :( it was good though. at first i was ok and he was ok because we promised we would always stay friends and for that matter best friends. btu then 7oclock comes and start to feel lonely... i start to miss him... i want him back. DANGIT but i CANT its not right. we both felt we werent the right ones together in the long run, as much as we like eachother we know marriage is not in the plan for us together. This means he will find someone else and hopefully i wont be lonely to long and find mine aswell. well 9oclock comes and my friends want to do something and so i agree....oh baaaaaaad idea. i thought i was stronger but im not ready to go out in public just yet. and the hardest thing is that we still talk and we both feel the same thing! WE MISS EACHOTHER! we want to hug one last time...kiss one last time... cuddle one last time...stare... one... last... time....is that to complicated for YOU! :( dangit you guys...break ups sucks, especially when neither of us want it to happen, its harder that way. like at least if the other one is over it then its easier for you to get over it but when both of you still want it all BACK its flippin hard.
"Fetching days" Goodnight "mate" "no drama" everything will be alright...hopefully when i wake up, if i sleep at all this night.

dating?

ok hello there. yes i am dating someone. Woot. what does he look like? a cute lil mouse :) thats what i think at least. I told him yesterday that i think he looks like a mouse and he just stood there with nothing to say bahaha i thought i was so funny. he kinda got mad but not really haha he said "Myriam! thats not what guys want to hear! they wanna hear like idk chistle and great and strong and tall and attractive...not a mouse!!" bahaha it was hilarious. i honestly laughed 2hrs straight...no joke. He makes me laugh, for real. ive never laughed so much in my life and you know what? i dont even know what im laughing about half the time. oh speaking of not knowing...he talks SO FAST! i never konw what he is saying. honestly. im training him to speak slower so i can at least understand, but the funny thing is is that he doesnt understand me either sometimes because of my accent. weird. i didnt know my accent was that strong haha. Where does he live? the Well or is it a Barn? haha so how did this happen you might wonder. gee i have no idea to tell you the truth... let me tell you what i do know. Last sunday i met his friend (apparently he was right beside him...liar! i didnt see him...oh well). Monday for fhe i saw him. ya he was cute but i wasnt interested. then we got talking after family home evening and we just talked and talked and talked it was great. then he asked for my number. i was surprised i kinda froze lol but i gave it to him none the less. then tuesday he came over to my friends house and we watched a movie and woah what we held hands. ok eager beaver haha ps hes an RM so we know what that means...he moves fast cuz hes used to it lol...anywho then wednesday came and we went to Boston Pizza . Thursday? we went to my other friends house and watched a movie and cuddled. He wanted to kiss me that night i know it, but i just wasnt feeling it. Friday....ok that night we kissed. saturday? we went to Moxies. so ya were dating.... its kinda just obvious but really confusing at the same time because it is going so fast and i am slowing it down. I dont want to hurt him and i dont know where it is going to get from here. I dont know how long we are going to date and what not. he is a funny funny guy and so nice and sweet but i dont know where that will go so as for now we will see and i will keep you posted. until next time

Have you ever just felt discouraged about almost everything? I am. I feel like everything i want to hold on to seems to slip away and i end up alone, everytime. Maybe you might think im exaggerating and im not saying this to have pity or you to think that my life sucks, it doesnt. but here are some examples. ... have you just felt overwhelmed and annoyed about things that you seem to not change? like for me its weight... Yes i think im fat...not like all the other girls that actually skinny and just say that for attention. ... I "know" i am fat because i can see, feel it and can hold it. Ive been trying to lose weight since March hard core and i lost 13 pounds...felt GREAT but then i seemed to forget to work out and eat well and all the sudden i gained 10 pounds... ya so im back at the beginning... Ive been trying for a while now again, eating well, excersising even harder, doing workouts that will give me nice muscles and i cant seem to lose any. It is frustrating, tiring and depressing. I am trying so hard to look good for myself and feel good and nothing gets off. now not only that but my father seems to think i am getting fat and already there. great! that doesnt help having someone telling you you are fat. so now i am even more conscious about it. another thing is that my good friend left on his misson. hes been gone since August as you have read all the other blogs. I felt that it was ok liking him and that possibly in the future there would be a chance for him and i... now i dont even know how i feel AT ALL. Im so confused, tired, sad, happy, proud for him, hopeful and more confused. You see i send him a package for Christmas and guess what...he send me one too. At first I was soooo excited and happy and surprised. thats the last thing i expected him to do. i thought i would get a letter like a month later but i got a package the week after Christmas. Its great, one of the things he send me is a CD of songs he used to sing to me all the time before he left so he recored them ( hiim playing and singing). It felt great hearing him sing again, his little voice trying to hard to over power haha good memories. but right now im not so sure i like hearing his voice. he left. I dont know how i feel anymore. its not a no at all but i dont know if its a yes and im confused because im trying to remember what i felt and i cant seem to... i hate that. its like i miss him so much that im rejecting him and pushing him out of my head... i hate that im doing that but i am so confused. i wish i could just talk face to face to Heavenly Father and just ask him bluntly what is going to happen to me ? and then just record that and always remember...but i guess that isnt faith and a little self centered. another thing i seem to be frustrated about is where my life is going. I have many dreams but so little money. i want to get my education and travel travel travel. i also want a family and a house and a car but i dont know how. yes i do know how but i dont know where but at that same time yes i do. i guess i just need to trust it hey. sorry if this blog doesnt make any sense. now the last thing is friends. i feel as though all my friends are so distant. i thought i had many friends and close ones but then i think and i dont really know. i am yet again left alone, in the dark. i guess im ok being independent but who doesnt like a little company. now i dont know if im doing something wrong but i seem to not be able to hold on to my friends. they all end up getting married, going on missions, goign to school and yet here i am still at home... no boyfriend... going to school close to home. i know there is nothing wrong with that and i will have my turn but its weird i think. anyway this blog is making no sense whatsoevre but it felt good to write and just throw out  my emotions. goodnight

Working out

Funny that im talking about working out right on the new year hey? well i dont mean to but have you ever had such a nice system in your day and worked out, ate well and was just happy with your life? and all the sudden the holidays came like christmas and youre whole family comes and celebrate and eat. All the sudden youve forgotten to work out and you eat poorly every day and keep telling yourself that you will start again tomorrow and stop eating all that junk. You keep telling yourself that you will go back into working out and excersicing to get back into shape...but we all know that never happened. So you try to set up your alarm in the morning, but you wouldnt get up. Youve probably tried making posters or scheduals to motivate yourself into getting back in the game, but it never really did anything. What now?? So one day you got really angry with yourself because you see that the fat is litterally pilling up so you finally just go ahead and try to get back. Oh my goodness, its the hardest thing isnt it!! so keep pushing yourself and man on man you just wanna give up and just go back to sleep haha but you keep going! well let me tell you it has been so hard for me to get back into it but here i am pushing myself and its going well. some days i cant even finish the workout but i know i am getting stronger. My brother in law showed me this new workout and holy crap its great but painful! but i am here to tell you that you can do it! if you put your mind into it, you can do anything. just keep pushing yourself and everything will be alright. just be patient and stay positive.

A thousand Years

[Christina Perri - A Thousand Years Lyrics]
Heartbeats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed that I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more
One step closer
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more
[ Lyrics from http://www.songonlyrics.com/christina-perri-a-thousand-years-lyrics ]
 
Isnt this song great!!! I just love it!! I love how it says "one step closer". Its like one step closer to love, on step closer to the person you love. I like to think of my life and future husband one step closer every day. who knows when this will happen and who with but i am one step closer every day whether it feels like it or not. Its like thinking of my friend on his mission. I like to think that he is on his way home and not think of when he left. It has more of a positive side to it i guess. I like to picture him at his farewell, sitting at the front by the pulpet and just smiling and nervous but the same time at peace and just think about him coming home and finally seeing him again and remembering all the little details of his face and personality because as time goes on we seem to forget those things and i am looking forward to seeing him again, so he is one step closer. :)
I also love the part that says "I have loved you for a thousand years...I’ll love you for a thousand more". Now how romantic is that!!! that just makes my heart melt... :) Oh man oh man!!! gives me chills! Tat song seriously makes me so happy and calm and excited at the same time just for my futur i guess. How beautiful :) goodnight bloggers. until next time
just love.

my night?

Hello hello hello! Happy New Years everyone!! ok let me tell you about my night. I got invited to a Waterton Party at the Community Hall and so i went with my twin and my good friend "George". We were having such a good time driving there that once there we started telling eachother what we are scared of and all the sudden we were all so scared in the car!! It was so weird haha!!!!!! but then we found the Center after getting yelled at by some random drunk guy telling us he was going to call the police because i accidently drove on his lawn... sorry sir!! haha anywho so then we walk in the building and theres tooooons of people! wow its gonna be fun we already know! then comes the time to DANCE! now the party can begin!! yahooo!! so were dancing our hearts out, im having a blast and so is pretty much everyone there too!! Im seeing my friends and dancing with them , nothing can get better!! just kidding it DID! i see this cute cowboy standing there...hes not even DANCING!! what...the...heck...thats not allowed haha so i give myself a nice lil challenge. "I am going to make that hottie dance tonight" so i tried ALL NIGHT well not all night but i came back a couple times trying to make him dance and dance beside him. He was loving it haha but he would not budge and just look at me smiling haha. he was so cute. anywho fast forward here at the end i saw him DANCE...he dance for one song...sorta haha he was bouncing a little bit BUT THAT COUNTS :)
then the dance was over and our eyes met so i walked to him and he was leaving so he looks at me and says goodbye and TIPED HIS HAT! AWEEE AND GAVE ME THE LONGEST HANDSHAKE haha he was seriously the CUTEST :) he was so shy but same time not. I felt like an idiot dancing by him and trying to make him dance but you know what, it wasnt a bad idiot feeling, it was actually nice haha. thank you random cowboy. may we please meet again in the future :) if not then you have a great life!! i hope you will meet that beautiful Cowgirl of your dreams haha.