i wont give you up

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdN5GyTl8K0

ok listen to this song right now! it is such a great song! when i listen to this song i think of one guy and one guy only. the one on his mission. but i shouldnt. you see i have this curse with guys, like youve read in all the other blogs. it seems that HF wont let anyone like me and tries to make it simple for me but its so hard it seems like. while i see my friends get married or start dating i just get so happy and excited for them. Im doing everything i can to get ready for that special someone but it seems that everytime im almost close to one i get further away. i shouldnt get discouraged because i know deep in my heart i will be with someone for eternity but im just so excited and tired that my heart longs for "him" whoever he is. I'm ready to accept that HF will bring me to that special someone of HIS choice and not of mine....someone i would like to have but rather someone i need. i have my fingers crossed for a special someone of my choice and hope its who He wants me to have. Im ready

crazy?

for the record ia m not crazy. ok yes i do say i am a lot, but im not crazy crazy like bad crazy! i am simply happy and take chances. there is a difference believe it or not. it seems like i scare away every possible guy in this bloody world. there i am sitting and theres a cute guy in front of me. we start to talk, he seems interested...he asks for my number. he talks to me non stop and asks all the possible questions, kinda sufficating me but its cute whatever im giving him a chance! maybe hes still nervous! but no just kidding! all the sudden he thinks im crazy...oh run for your liiiiiiives!...um...what did i miss? everything...i am so confused on what just happened. but hey im ont good enough for every guy on this planet? i dont want to believe that! and i dont wanna act like someone else to get someone! i should be able to get soemone great by being me. but people need to get to know me before they judge...but i guess they get scared and dont tell me... thanks for that jerks. you really know how to hurt someones feelings.

Completely and Utterly Vulnerable.

Yes thats what i am RIGHT THIS SECOND. seems like im so stubborn that i wont let myself take a chance or take it to hard. im so lost and confused, let me tell you. well actually second thought, its really hard to explain...follow me if you can. I met this boy. ok you might already be saying in your head "great! here we go again". People say he's seemed interested...but i dont see it...maybe cuz hes not or because im not letting myself see it...and im trying! he actually seems almost to good to be true... hes got perfect teeth, a beautiful smile, great hair, man is he muscular! and he seems super nice and funny. But heres the catch...ive got a curse. i seem to scare away boys i like and invite boys i dont want. i am so confused and lost. i dont know what to do. its so much easier to help two people come together or set them up or play cupid or matchmaker. but when it comes to me it seems like im "Hitch"...for real! everything goes wrong! and with this guy right now its even worst!! i cant even stay calm! usually i can...dude i couldnt yesterday!!! i was honestly being more an idiot than i am, and for those who know me THATS REALLY BEING AN IDIOT,  ITS WORST! its like he caught me off guard...but hes the catch...what about the other guy? one of my very best best friends? on his mission? I hate my life. just let me hibernate.

Its been six months since HEs been out!! :) you know what that means?! only a year and half left!! YAHOOO SO SOON!!! man i am so excited you guys.