so happy

ok guys haha i am so happy right now and I am not too sure why! someone is watching over me...Ive just had the most boring day of my life but for some reason i am feeling so much love right now!! haha wow i am happy happy. I feel great! its like im in love or something but really im not even thinking of any guys ha!! ive been watching movies alllll dayyyy no joke. No makeup. didnt do my hair. i only showered. I looked at myself in the mirror two minutes ago and let me tell you... i love the way i look. i do not feel fat. i do not feel ugly. i feel great! yes i am sick. yes i am hurt. but for such a long time, finally i am happy... and i am going out tonight!! yes i am going out world!! maybe life will be just fine after all. listen to this song...its kinda good hahah! Till kingdom come by coldplay!!!
xoxoxoxox AHH i love my life.

College

Hey guys!
Well its been 2 months, sorry again! I am the worst at this ShinDig.
I think it's because I have so much to write that I dont know where to start.
Well I am in college and there are so many things to do that I dont even know where to start and I 'm not too sure if I even want to do it, the work of course. I want to do this as a living, I think... but something is missing. but as for now I am working my face off to get good grades and a good job.

weird feeling

Have you ever just spend all day in your room watching movies by yourself? love ones, funny ones, drama ones all by yourself, all day...and yet you only think of one person the whole day, the whole movies and you catch yourself crying about that one person and you never realized? Thats what happened to me today. listen to this song. Perfect for me-Ron Pope. Best song ever and i only think of one person. Im not sure why I cried ... I think maybe because I miss him more than anything...for some reason, him being away is making everything hard for me. Let me share with you some things that has happened to me recently.
1) I lost a good friend lately. I never thought I would lose her, but i did. She, all the sudden wont talk to me or even look at me. She denies it. i dont know why she is doing that to me ... i tried talking to her but it made it worst. So what am I going to do? Nothing.
2)I hyper-extended my knees. How? i have no idea. Maybe how i stand or stretch but man alive it sure hurts a lot.
3) I got an excision yesterday. I was high from the adrenaline they put in me and well today  I can barely stand...I keep blacking out because of the pain and how my body is working hard to heal it.

So basically, I lost a friend and she is hurting me a lot. My knees are killing me and my face is scarred.
I have never felt so alone in my life. Usually when things like that happened I would run to my twin (nope shes 6hrs away now) or I would call one of my best friends "Fruits" (nope hes even farther away) or I would call my other best friend, the one all these stupid blogs are about...but no he unreachable. So why am I feeling like this? because i am alone. I never thought I would feel like this but here it is.
I dont know why I feel this way about "him". I have tried to figure it out for a very long time but i cant figure it out. It's like this unexplainable happiness. I have this picture of him on my wall now its been 3 days and its funny because when I wake up in the morning i look at that picture before anything else and everything is fine. Theres something about him that makes me "simply happy". Maybe one day I will know why I feel like this, or maybe i never will. I dont really know what else to write in this blog but here it is for today. Peace and blessings yall. until next blog.

Yo Yo Yo

Hi there. I am so very sorry I haven't written lately. I havent been feeling myself ... you see my best friend left on his mission a year ago this month. Wow I have mixed feelings about this... I would say it went by super duper fast but then again it is kinda going slow to me. When he left I think he took a part of me. I havent been feeling the same at all and I hate myself for it. So now I am trying to get myself back... you might ask why I havent been feeling myself...did i love him? and so forth... well this is a complicated story... You see I dont know how I feel about this particular Best Friend. If I would have to choose right this second who I would want to spend my eternities with, well theres noone Id rather be with then this lovely man, but since there is still loads of time to decide i just dont know you guys. He has all the qualities i thought men didnt have anymore but turns out ive been falling for the wrong dudes. He is patient, he is loving, he is considerate, he is attractive, he is not a jerk, he doesnt get mad in fact he promised me he would never be mad at me... hold up WHO IN THE RIGHT MIND DOES THAT... I am a crazy woman and I know I will make my man mad at some points, its because I over analize and think... but no matter what ive done hes always been able to keep his cool and smile at me and still sing and play me songs. Hes always been there for me no matter what, even if he lived 40 minutes away he would be at the front of my house just in case I needed a hug or someone to talk to...even when we would be on the phone he would still be at the front...just in case. He would text me even if his phone screen was completely white and couldnt see a thing. He would call me at lunch and sing me more songs. We would play I Spy over the phone... kms away... he would talk to me at 2am when I was lost in lethbridge. He would let me drive his car... name me one guy that trusts a girl to drive his car. Words cant describe how I feel for him. I am simply happy. My soul is still. I love that man and he is growing so much in the Lords work, becoming a man of God. Now you are probably thinking ''wow shes in love'' but im actually not. I'm trying not to think about it since weve never had anything between us, we were always best friends, we understood eachother and if we didnt we werent scared to explain. Im sorry this post probably doesnt make any sense at all and i kind of feel like deleting it and starting again but I'm just not sure what to write at this moment. I guess when he comes home we'll see if anything is a possibility for the future but for now I will be concentrating on school and school and school and myself. I dont know what the future lies ahead for me but I will get my career and I will perfect myself so when I meet my eternal companion, whenever that is, as long as it takes, I will be ready for the next step. It can take a decade or two or three i dont really mind just as long as I'm ready. I know being alone sucks majorly and I hate it but Ive got eternity to spend it with my love so why rush to find him when there is so much to do?! So my friends I will make my bucket list bigger and I will actually check the boxes off and start my own adventure because it's out there and I am so ready for it. Goodnight my friends. And remember, those jerks that love to break our hearts, they dont win at end because we get someone so much better and they get the bad apples...

Music

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2aPdJ4iEgw

its amazing what music can do to someone. What would we do without music?? some people, usually older people, think its only noise and wish we didnt have music...but do they really mean it? i dont think so lol because there are so many different kind of music and there is bound to have at least one that has ur mood exaclty or pretty much it...  I come to realise that i love music more and more every second of my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoWSf_QFfi8

when i listen to this song i think of my good friend Weston. i honestly dont think there is a better guy out there (sorry boys) he is so dedicated to whatever he does. He knows what true and what needs to be done and he doesnt wait around, he just goes and makes it happen. he is straight up and to the point. I love that man....hes turned into a man. one day he will have an amazing wife :) and she better be just as amazing, but i know she will be considering he will be picking her. Rock on Elder !! Keep up the good work... Vancouver has no idea how lucky they are. We love you here! until we meet again

so truuuuuuuuuuuuuue! when youre here...man which one do you want?? sometimes if youre "lucky" you get both ;) baha you dont wanna be "lucky". well on the good side of things you can have amazing "fan blowing" photoshoot if you are on the right side of the wind haha...if you dont get blown away first...and i mean the photographer...

stupid boys

Someone tell these boys of our times to smarten up. this is getting ridiculous im telling you!! What happened to Gentlemen? what happened to romance?? My bishop and I were talking today because i am honestly going to blow up! I am so sick of doing all the work to try to get a guy because hes to lazy. you might think "well then dont get him!" so im actually not but then its even worst when you just wait there literally for a miracle as in him asking you out. Thats another thing! Guys dont ask girls out anymore! and whats with kissing if your not dating?? ya thats playing! they all do that now! like do they not have the decency to ask to go out with you first? and then slowly pull the moves into kissing AFTER you guys are dating? no theyre complete idiots and i wanna punch one in particular, but since im a lady im gonna stay cool and wait for nothing. great ill never get married cuz the boys are searching. ok that might be exaggerating but STILL! this is driving me nuts, seriously.

my day so far

i slept talked and slept walked 3 times last night...weird. I woke up the first time rushing out of my room with my pillow and blankets running out of my room them i woke up thinking what he heck am i doing? i just had the weird feeling to get away fast adn i had to do it now. but i calmed down and went back to bed. then i catch myself again running away but this time with ear plungs running to the guest room running as fast as i can and settling in the bed...but then i realised how silly that was so i went back to my own bed. but then again i woke up somewhere else...in the bathroom... i just had the craziest night i guess...

this afternoon i had the opportunity to babysit 3 beautiful punks :) zealand 2, austin 5, and brighton 7. Brighton was running all over the place in the Park and yelling "I am the captain! There will be no litering so i order you all to clean the park!! there will be no fun until we are done cleaning this place up and once we are done NOONE CAN STOP US!! WE HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE!" hahaha man that was so cute. Austin approches me and says to me in the cutest little eyes "i was a baby once" so i say "oh ya? how big were you?" and he shows me with his hands 2 inches haha and he tells me "i was born in a hospital...far far far far far far far away in Lethbridge" hahahaha then he continues by saying "i still have a bump from it" and shows me his belly button so i ask him how he got that "bump" haha and he said " well when i was born i had something long stuck on my stomach and then i remember the doctors came and cut it off with a knife and it hurt me a little cuz i was crying" haha how precious is this! haha man i love lil boys. then Zealand kept saying "Tina!" and i kept asking him what and who is tina and then finally Austin tells me as hes walking past me "Its you!" haha so according to a 2 year old and a 5 year old my name is Tina haha its Myriam! haha but it was just so cute so im like "ohhh!! ok!" but thats ok because Zealand was convinced that a LadyBug was a spider...so all is well ;) oh man i am so excited to have lil kids :) haha one day on day!  but until then i will wait patiently lol