my day so far

i slept talked and slept walked 3 times last night...weird. I woke up the first time rushing out of my room with my pillow and blankets running out of my room them i woke up thinking what he heck am i doing? i just had the weird feeling to get away fast adn i had to do it now. but i calmed down and went back to bed. then i catch myself again running away but this time with ear plungs running to the guest room running as fast as i can and settling in the bed...but then i realised how silly that was so i went back to my own bed. but then again i woke up somewhere else...in the bathroom... i just had the craziest night i guess...

this afternoon i had the opportunity to babysit 3 beautiful punks :) zealand 2, austin 5, and brighton 7. Brighton was running all over the place in the Park and yelling "I am the captain! There will be no litering so i order you all to clean the park!! there will be no fun until we are done cleaning this place up and once we are done NOONE CAN STOP US!! WE HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE!" hahaha man that was so cute. Austin approches me and says to me in the cutest little eyes "i was a baby once" so i say "oh ya? how big were you?" and he shows me with his hands 2 inches haha and he tells me "i was born in a hospital...far far far far far far far away in Lethbridge" hahahaha then he continues by saying "i still have a bump from it" and shows me his belly button so i ask him how he got that "bump" haha and he said " well when i was born i had something long stuck on my stomach and then i remember the doctors came and cut it off with a knife and it hurt me a little cuz i was crying" haha how precious is this! haha man i love lil boys. then Zealand kept saying "Tina!" and i kept asking him what and who is tina and then finally Austin tells me as hes walking past me "Its you!" haha so according to a 2 year old and a 5 year old my name is Tina haha its Myriam! haha but it was just so cute so im like "ohhh!! ok!" but thats ok because Zealand was convinced that a LadyBug was a spider...so all is well ;) oh man i am so excited to have lil kids :) haha one day on day!  but until then i will wait patiently lol

the moon

i love the moon!! i love the stars!! the sky is such a beautiful creation...its just so priceless and so romantic :) i am always at peace when i look up and instantly in love with i dont even know who haha. I love the song fly me to the moon is one of my favorite songs!!! i dont know why i love it so much but i just do! just listen to the words and you will fall in love too. man its just so good :)
that is all :) cya next time

i wont give you up

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdN5GyTl8K0

ok listen to this song right now! it is such a great song! when i listen to this song i think of one guy and one guy only. the one on his mission. but i shouldnt. you see i have this curse with guys, like youve read in all the other blogs. it seems that HF wont let anyone like me and tries to make it simple for me but its so hard it seems like. while i see my friends get married or start dating i just get so happy and excited for them. Im doing everything i can to get ready for that special someone but it seems that everytime im almost close to one i get further away. i shouldnt get discouraged because i know deep in my heart i will be with someone for eternity but im just so excited and tired that my heart longs for "him" whoever he is. I'm ready to accept that HF will bring me to that special someone of HIS choice and not of mine....someone i would like to have but rather someone i need. i have my fingers crossed for a special someone of my choice and hope its who He wants me to have. Im ready

crazy?

for the record ia m not crazy. ok yes i do say i am a lot, but im not crazy crazy like bad crazy! i am simply happy and take chances. there is a difference believe it or not. it seems like i scare away every possible guy in this bloody world. there i am sitting and theres a cute guy in front of me. we start to talk, he seems interested...he asks for my number. he talks to me non stop and asks all the possible questions, kinda sufficating me but its cute whatever im giving him a chance! maybe hes still nervous! but no just kidding! all the sudden he thinks im crazy...oh run for your liiiiiiives!...um...what did i miss? everything...i am so confused on what just happened. but hey im ont good enough for every guy on this planet? i dont want to believe that! and i dont wanna act like someone else to get someone! i should be able to get soemone great by being me. but people need to get to know me before they judge...but i guess they get scared and dont tell me... thanks for that jerks. you really know how to hurt someones feelings.

Completely and Utterly Vulnerable.

Yes thats what i am RIGHT THIS SECOND. seems like im so stubborn that i wont let myself take a chance or take it to hard. im so lost and confused, let me tell you. well actually second thought, its really hard to explain...follow me if you can. I met this boy. ok you might already be saying in your head "great! here we go again". People say he's seemed interested...but i dont see it...maybe cuz hes not or because im not letting myself see it...and im trying! he actually seems almost to good to be true... hes got perfect teeth, a beautiful smile, great hair, man is he muscular! and he seems super nice and funny. But heres the catch...ive got a curse. i seem to scare away boys i like and invite boys i dont want. i am so confused and lost. i dont know what to do. its so much easier to help two people come together or set them up or play cupid or matchmaker. but when it comes to me it seems like im "Hitch"...for real! everything goes wrong! and with this guy right now its even worst!! i cant even stay calm! usually i can...dude i couldnt yesterday!!! i was honestly being more an idiot than i am, and for those who know me THATS REALLY BEING AN IDIOT,  ITS WORST! its like he caught me off guard...but hes the catch...what about the other guy? one of my very best best friends? on his mission? I hate my life. just let me hibernate.

Its been six months since HEs been out!! :) you know what that means?! only a year and half left!! YAHOOO SO SOON!!! man i am so excited you guys.

sometimes the hardest thing to do is the right thing

guess what. 3 weeks went by..the best 3 weeks...and well i am now single. we broke up, lets see...about 6hours ago? Yes we are still friends, we are good friends...thats the good news. we talked and the cool thing about our relationship is that we always felt the same thing, if i was happy so was he , if i didnt wanna see him he didnt either. and well today we both felt we should break it off. it was the HARDEST thing (pretty much). we both wouldnt talk , we wanted the other one to say it but we couldnt because we dont want to let go, sometimes ppl just want to hold on and we happen to want to hold on a little longer but we figured that if we dont break up now we never will because it will be too hard later on beacause we are getting to attached too fast. :( it was good though. at first i was ok and he was ok because we promised we would always stay friends and for that matter best friends. btu then 7oclock comes and start to feel lonely... i start to miss him... i want him back. DANGIT but i CANT its not right. we both felt we werent the right ones together in the long run, as much as we like eachother we know marriage is not in the plan for us together. This means he will find someone else and hopefully i wont be lonely to long and find mine aswell. well 9oclock comes and my friends want to do something and so i agree....oh baaaaaaad idea. i thought i was stronger but im not ready to go out in public just yet. and the hardest thing is that we still talk and we both feel the same thing! WE MISS EACHOTHER! we want to hug one last time...kiss one last time... cuddle one last time...stare... one... last... time....is that to complicated for YOU! :( dangit you guys...break ups sucks, especially when neither of us want it to happen, its harder that way. like at least if the other one is over it then its easier for you to get over it but when both of you still want it all BACK its flippin hard.
"Fetching days" Goodnight "mate" "no drama" everything will be alright...hopefully when i wake up, if i sleep at all this night.