noone to talk to

Hello to whoever is reading this. Well, it has been probably a year or two since I last wrote here. To be honest with you I forgot about my blog and lost my info. But here I am tonight writing. I have so much to write but I don't know where to start... Have you ever had a feeling of so many feelings and you want to talk to someone about it but there is noone there anymore. That person you used to talk to about everything is gone. Sure, there are other people out there...but not the same relationship/friendship that you had with "this one". Well that's where I am. I long to find someone again, one day, that I can freely be myself again. Let's take this a year and a half back...way back. On Mother's day I met an incredible man. Oh you should have seen what he was wearing. He had the perfect haircut and style. Cut on the sides and slightly longer on the top, a little curly and combed on the side, with one shaved line for style. He then had a perfect little mama's boys bow-tie, brown and blue checkered. Little suit to fit his body. Dark skin. Chocolate eyes. Perfect button nose. Perfect long forehead. Will Smith ears. And finally a breath taking smile, slightly buck teeth. I fell for him. I knew right then and now that I wanted to know him. We talked afterwards and he invited me to come to FHE the next day. I stood him up. We met again the next Sunday and this time we connected even more. We went to a party afterwards, no planning whatsoever, and we fell in love with each other...so I thought. We saw each other every day after that day for a whole month. Going on road trips, walks, dates, movies, reading and most importantly...Talking. We were inseparable. We then decided to date. Oh how our first kiss was perfect... My family loved him instantly...He fell in love with them. and then I met his family...I fell in love with them. We talked about everything. I told him things I NEVER tell anyone else and I have yet to tell anyone. He knows everything about me and I knew everything about him...so I thought. Life was amazing. Days were shorter and nights were longer. Everyday we looked forward to seeing each other. Sharing stories and what we learned. Expressing love and pain, expressing our souls to one another...trusting the other to hold on to our secrets and our love. but something happened somewhere in there. Bloggers, I am not sure where it happened nor why it did...but something changed. My fairy tail was falling apart. My so called fairy-tail was not real. I thought that I was going to marry this incredible man. I thought he thought the same. He said he wanted to, but did he mean that... no, the answer is that he never did...but you might say "well he must have felt it at one point" or "he got scared"....what ever you might think...just don't. Yes he loved me, but he never was in love with me as much as I was. And let me prove my point. He never took me on dates once we started dating. He never bought me flowers....not even for special occasions. He stopped giving me the love I loved once we started dating. He didn't show me appreciation once we started dating. He didn't encourage me, but he criticized me. He rarely told me I was beautiful, but he always found something I could improve. That, ladies and gentlemen is not a bad man, but that is a man who is not commuted to someone that way. I'm not saying what he did was horrible and I'm certainly not encouraging this behavior...but I proved my point. When we were JUST best friends, he was my BEST support. He encouraged me, he made me feel beautiful, stress-free, and loved. I felt like a Queen...but once we started dating, he knew it didn't fit. No matter his words, his actions always spoke louder. I long for that friendship. I long for my love. I desire such an old fashion love. I long for my man to make himself known unto me. Now "what is my man"? Let me tell you what and not who my man is...
1. I want a man that I can be freely myself. A man I am not afraid to show who I am and not hold back, A man who will challenge me in a positive way.
2.I want a man who will sing to me, whether he is amazing at it or completely tone deaf. A man who will play music that means something to him and me. Hidden messages in music just for us.
3. I want a man who will dance with me even when it makes no sense. A man who is not afraid to dance .
4. I want a man with a sense of humor. A man who will want to make me laugh and will laugh at my horrible jokes/sense of humor.
5. I want a man who has a strong relationship with God and who is not afraid or ashamed to show it. A man who will talk about the gospel with me. Open conversations, both asking opinions and questions.
6. I want a man who has passion to do good in the world.
7. I want a man who cooks and cleans. I don't mean all the time, but someone who will help me and appreciate my efforts.
8. I want a man who is patient because I am simple but I am not like other girls.
9. I want a man who is not afraid of new things and wants to live an adventurous life. I need a companion for life who will run with me...not lead, nor follow...but be with me.
10. I want a man who will fight for me and not against me. 

When I lost my best friend through all of this... I feel like I lost a part of me. I don't know if I will ever have that friend again...and that breaks my heart. I long to have that back in life....but i don't know how long it will be until I am ready again to love this way, fully, once more.... to fully trust the other with my heart. telling every inch of my soul. right now, it hurts too much and there is noone physically I can talk to who I feel are really truly listening. All I need is someone who will listen to me again....someone who will want to be with me, even after knowing everything about me and not run like the rest have done... believe it or not, it is damaging...not matter how many times they can say "never change", "someone out there will love all of you", "don't give up", "you're perfect", "you are amazing"...but do they really mean it?? because if they did, they wouldn't run.

My brothers and sisters out there. I know this blog has been depressing, but I had to put it down in words. I might write more with more intricate details when I am ready.... but I know he is out there... I just hope he is strong enough for me. If God loves me, and I know He does...then there is bound to be a match for me.
Match maker, Match maker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch....make me a match of my own.

One day when the time is right and the man is here, I will love again... but for now I will love all of God's children equally.

God Bless

so happy

ok guys haha i am so happy right now and I am not too sure why! someone is watching over me...Ive just had the most boring day of my life but for some reason i am feeling so much love right now!! haha wow i am happy happy. I feel great! its like im in love or something but really im not even thinking of any guys ha!! ive been watching movies alllll dayyyy no joke. No makeup. didnt do my hair. i only showered. I looked at myself in the mirror two minutes ago and let me tell you... i love the way i look. i do not feel fat. i do not feel ugly. i feel great! yes i am sick. yes i am hurt. but for such a long time, finally i am happy... and i am going out tonight!! yes i am going out world!! maybe life will be just fine after all. listen to this song...its kinda good hahah! Till kingdom come by coldplay!!!
xoxoxoxox AHH i love my life.

College

Hey guys!
Well its been 2 months, sorry again! I am the worst at this ShinDig.
I think it's because I have so much to write that I dont know where to start.
Well I am in college and there are so many things to do that I dont even know where to start and I 'm not too sure if I even want to do it, the work of course. I want to do this as a living, I think... but something is missing. but as for now I am working my face off to get good grades and a good job.

weird feeling

Have you ever just spend all day in your room watching movies by yourself? love ones, funny ones, drama ones all by yourself, all day...and yet you only think of one person the whole day, the whole movies and you catch yourself crying about that one person and you never realized? Thats what happened to me today. listen to this song. Perfect for me-Ron Pope. Best song ever and i only think of one person. Im not sure why I cried ... I think maybe because I miss him more than anything...for some reason, him being away is making everything hard for me. Let me share with you some things that has happened to me recently.
1) I lost a good friend lately. I never thought I would lose her, but i did. She, all the sudden wont talk to me or even look at me. She denies it. i dont know why she is doing that to me ... i tried talking to her but it made it worst. So what am I going to do? Nothing.
2)I hyper-extended my knees. How? i have no idea. Maybe how i stand or stretch but man alive it sure hurts a lot.
3) I got an excision yesterday. I was high from the adrenaline they put in me and well today  I can barely stand...I keep blacking out because of the pain and how my body is working hard to heal it.

So basically, I lost a friend and she is hurting me a lot. My knees are killing me and my face is scarred.
I have never felt so alone in my life. Usually when things like that happened I would run to my twin (nope shes 6hrs away now) or I would call one of my best friends "Fruits" (nope hes even farther away) or I would call my other best friend, the one all these stupid blogs are about...but no he unreachable. So why am I feeling like this? because i am alone. I never thought I would feel like this but here it is.
I dont know why I feel this way about "him". I have tried to figure it out for a very long time but i cant figure it out. It's like this unexplainable happiness. I have this picture of him on my wall now its been 3 days and its funny because when I wake up in the morning i look at that picture before anything else and everything is fine. Theres something about him that makes me "simply happy". Maybe one day I will know why I feel like this, or maybe i never will. I dont really know what else to write in this blog but here it is for today. Peace and blessings yall. until next blog.

Yo Yo Yo

Hi there. I am so very sorry I haven't written lately. I havent been feeling myself ... you see my best friend left on his mission a year ago this month. Wow I have mixed feelings about this... I would say it went by super duper fast but then again it is kinda going slow to me. When he left I think he took a part of me. I havent been feeling the same at all and I hate myself for it. So now I am trying to get myself back... you might ask why I havent been feeling myself...did i love him? and so forth... well this is a complicated story... You see I dont know how I feel about this particular Best Friend. If I would have to choose right this second who I would want to spend my eternities with, well theres noone Id rather be with then this lovely man, but since there is still loads of time to decide i just dont know you guys. He has all the qualities i thought men didnt have anymore but turns out ive been falling for the wrong dudes. He is patient, he is loving, he is considerate, he is attractive, he is not a jerk, he doesnt get mad in fact he promised me he would never be mad at me... hold up WHO IN THE RIGHT MIND DOES THAT... I am a crazy woman and I know I will make my man mad at some points, its because I over analize and think... but no matter what ive done hes always been able to keep his cool and smile at me and still sing and play me songs. Hes always been there for me no matter what, even if he lived 40 minutes away he would be at the front of my house just in case I needed a hug or someone to talk to...even when we would be on the phone he would still be at the front...just in case. He would text me even if his phone screen was completely white and couldnt see a thing. He would call me at lunch and sing me more songs. We would play I Spy over the phone... kms away... he would talk to me at 2am when I was lost in lethbridge. He would let me drive his car... name me one guy that trusts a girl to drive his car. Words cant describe how I feel for him. I am simply happy. My soul is still. I love that man and he is growing so much in the Lords work, becoming a man of God. Now you are probably thinking ''wow shes in love'' but im actually not. I'm trying not to think about it since weve never had anything between us, we were always best friends, we understood eachother and if we didnt we werent scared to explain. Im sorry this post probably doesnt make any sense at all and i kind of feel like deleting it and starting again but I'm just not sure what to write at this moment. I guess when he comes home we'll see if anything is a possibility for the future but for now I will be concentrating on school and school and school and myself. I dont know what the future lies ahead for me but I will get my career and I will perfect myself so when I meet my eternal companion, whenever that is, as long as it takes, I will be ready for the next step. It can take a decade or two or three i dont really mind just as long as I'm ready. I know being alone sucks majorly and I hate it but Ive got eternity to spend it with my love so why rush to find him when there is so much to do?! So my friends I will make my bucket list bigger and I will actually check the boxes off and start my own adventure because it's out there and I am so ready for it. Goodnight my friends. And remember, those jerks that love to break our hearts, they dont win at end because we get someone so much better and they get the bad apples...

Music

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2aPdJ4iEgw

its amazing what music can do to someone. What would we do without music?? some people, usually older people, think its only noise and wish we didnt have music...but do they really mean it? i dont think so lol because there are so many different kind of music and there is bound to have at least one that has ur mood exaclty or pretty much it...  I come to realise that i love music more and more every second of my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoWSf_QFfi8

when i listen to this song i think of my good friend Weston. i honestly dont think there is a better guy out there (sorry boys) he is so dedicated to whatever he does. He knows what true and what needs to be done and he doesnt wait around, he just goes and makes it happen. he is straight up and to the point. I love that man....hes turned into a man. one day he will have an amazing wife :) and she better be just as amazing, but i know she will be considering he will be picking her. Rock on Elder !! Keep up the good work... Vancouver has no idea how lucky they are. We love you here! until we meet again

so truuuuuuuuuuuuuue! when youre here...man which one do you want?? sometimes if youre "lucky" you get both ;) baha you dont wanna be "lucky". well on the good side of things you can have amazing "fan blowing" photoshoot if you are on the right side of the wind haha...if you dont get blown away first...and i mean the photographer...

stupid boys

Someone tell these boys of our times to smarten up. this is getting ridiculous im telling you!! What happened to Gentlemen? what happened to romance?? My bishop and I were talking today because i am honestly going to blow up! I am so sick of doing all the work to try to get a guy because hes to lazy. you might think "well then dont get him!" so im actually not but then its even worst when you just wait there literally for a miracle as in him asking you out. Thats another thing! Guys dont ask girls out anymore! and whats with kissing if your not dating?? ya thats playing! they all do that now! like do they not have the decency to ask to go out with you first? and then slowly pull the moves into kissing AFTER you guys are dating? no theyre complete idiots and i wanna punch one in particular, but since im a lady im gonna stay cool and wait for nothing. great ill never get married cuz the boys are searching. ok that might be exaggerating but STILL! this is driving me nuts, seriously.

my day so far

i slept talked and slept walked 3 times last night...weird. I woke up the first time rushing out of my room with my pillow and blankets running out of my room them i woke up thinking what he heck am i doing? i just had the weird feeling to get away fast adn i had to do it now. but i calmed down and went back to bed. then i catch myself again running away but this time with ear plungs running to the guest room running as fast as i can and settling in the bed...but then i realised how silly that was so i went back to my own bed. but then again i woke up somewhere else...in the bathroom... i just had the craziest night i guess...

this afternoon i had the opportunity to babysit 3 beautiful punks :) zealand 2, austin 5, and brighton 7. Brighton was running all over the place in the Park and yelling "I am the captain! There will be no litering so i order you all to clean the park!! there will be no fun until we are done cleaning this place up and once we are done NOONE CAN STOP US!! WE HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE!" hahaha man that was so cute. Austin approches me and says to me in the cutest little eyes "i was a baby once" so i say "oh ya? how big were you?" and he shows me with his hands 2 inches haha and he tells me "i was born in a hospital...far far far far far far far away in Lethbridge" hahahaha then he continues by saying "i still have a bump from it" and shows me his belly button so i ask him how he got that "bump" haha and he said " well when i was born i had something long stuck on my stomach and then i remember the doctors came and cut it off with a knife and it hurt me a little cuz i was crying" haha how precious is this! haha man i love lil boys. then Zealand kept saying "Tina!" and i kept asking him what and who is tina and then finally Austin tells me as hes walking past me "Its you!" haha so according to a 2 year old and a 5 year old my name is Tina haha its Myriam! haha but it was just so cute so im like "ohhh!! ok!" but thats ok because Zealand was convinced that a LadyBug was a spider...so all is well ;) oh man i am so excited to have lil kids :) haha one day on day!  but until then i will wait patiently lol

the moon

i love the moon!! i love the stars!! the sky is such a beautiful creation...its just so priceless and so romantic :) i am always at peace when i look up and instantly in love with i dont even know who haha. I love the song fly me to the moon is one of my favorite songs!!! i dont know why i love it so much but i just do! just listen to the words and you will fall in love too. man its just so good :)
that is all :) cya next time

i wont give you up

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdN5GyTl8K0

ok listen to this song right now! it is such a great song! when i listen to this song i think of one guy and one guy only. the one on his mission. but i shouldnt. you see i have this curse with guys, like youve read in all the other blogs. it seems that HF wont let anyone like me and tries to make it simple for me but its so hard it seems like. while i see my friends get married or start dating i just get so happy and excited for them. Im doing everything i can to get ready for that special someone but it seems that everytime im almost close to one i get further away. i shouldnt get discouraged because i know deep in my heart i will be with someone for eternity but im just so excited and tired that my heart longs for "him" whoever he is. I'm ready to accept that HF will bring me to that special someone of HIS choice and not of mine....someone i would like to have but rather someone i need. i have my fingers crossed for a special someone of my choice and hope its who He wants me to have. Im ready

crazy?

for the record ia m not crazy. ok yes i do say i am a lot, but im not crazy crazy like bad crazy! i am simply happy and take chances. there is a difference believe it or not. it seems like i scare away every possible guy in this bloody world. there i am sitting and theres a cute guy in front of me. we start to talk, he seems interested...he asks for my number. he talks to me non stop and asks all the possible questions, kinda sufficating me but its cute whatever im giving him a chance! maybe hes still nervous! but no just kidding! all the sudden he thinks im crazy...oh run for your liiiiiiives!...um...what did i miss? everything...i am so confused on what just happened. but hey im ont good enough for every guy on this planet? i dont want to believe that! and i dont wanna act like someone else to get someone! i should be able to get soemone great by being me. but people need to get to know me before they judge...but i guess they get scared and dont tell me... thanks for that jerks. you really know how to hurt someones feelings.

Completely and Utterly Vulnerable.

Yes thats what i am RIGHT THIS SECOND. seems like im so stubborn that i wont let myself take a chance or take it to hard. im so lost and confused, let me tell you. well actually second thought, its really hard to explain...follow me if you can. I met this boy. ok you might already be saying in your head "great! here we go again". People say he's seemed interested...but i dont see it...maybe cuz hes not or because im not letting myself see it...and im trying! he actually seems almost to good to be true... hes got perfect teeth, a beautiful smile, great hair, man is he muscular! and he seems super nice and funny. But heres the catch...ive got a curse. i seem to scare away boys i like and invite boys i dont want. i am so confused and lost. i dont know what to do. its so much easier to help two people come together or set them up or play cupid or matchmaker. but when it comes to me it seems like im "Hitch"...for real! everything goes wrong! and with this guy right now its even worst!! i cant even stay calm! usually i can...dude i couldnt yesterday!!! i was honestly being more an idiot than i am, and for those who know me THATS REALLY BEING AN IDIOT,  ITS WORST! its like he caught me off guard...but hes the catch...what about the other guy? one of my very best best friends? on his mission? I hate my life. just let me hibernate.

Its been six months since HEs been out!! :) you know what that means?! only a year and half left!! YAHOOO SO SOON!!! man i am so excited you guys.

sometimes the hardest thing to do is the right thing

guess what. 3 weeks went by..the best 3 weeks...and well i am now single. we broke up, lets see...about 6hours ago? Yes we are still friends, we are good friends...thats the good news. we talked and the cool thing about our relationship is that we always felt the same thing, if i was happy so was he , if i didnt wanna see him he didnt either. and well today we both felt we should break it off. it was the HARDEST thing (pretty much). we both wouldnt talk , we wanted the other one to say it but we couldnt because we dont want to let go, sometimes ppl just want to hold on and we happen to want to hold on a little longer but we figured that if we dont break up now we never will because it will be too hard later on beacause we are getting to attached too fast. :( it was good though. at first i was ok and he was ok because we promised we would always stay friends and for that matter best friends. btu then 7oclock comes and start to feel lonely... i start to miss him... i want him back. DANGIT but i CANT its not right. we both felt we werent the right ones together in the long run, as much as we like eachother we know marriage is not in the plan for us together. This means he will find someone else and hopefully i wont be lonely to long and find mine aswell. well 9oclock comes and my friends want to do something and so i agree....oh baaaaaaad idea. i thought i was stronger but im not ready to go out in public just yet. and the hardest thing is that we still talk and we both feel the same thing! WE MISS EACHOTHER! we want to hug one last time...kiss one last time... cuddle one last time...stare... one... last... time....is that to complicated for YOU! :( dangit you guys...break ups sucks, especially when neither of us want it to happen, its harder that way. like at least if the other one is over it then its easier for you to get over it but when both of you still want it all BACK its flippin hard.
"Fetching days" Goodnight "mate" "no drama" everything will be alright...hopefully when i wake up, if i sleep at all this night.

dating?

ok hello there. yes i am dating someone. Woot. what does he look like? a cute lil mouse :) thats what i think at least. I told him yesterday that i think he looks like a mouse and he just stood there with nothing to say bahaha i thought i was so funny. he kinda got mad but not really haha he said "Myriam! thats not what guys want to hear! they wanna hear like idk chistle and great and strong and tall and attractive...not a mouse!!" bahaha it was hilarious. i honestly laughed 2hrs straight...no joke. He makes me laugh, for real. ive never laughed so much in my life and you know what? i dont even know what im laughing about half the time. oh speaking of not knowing...he talks SO FAST! i never konw what he is saying. honestly. im training him to speak slower so i can at least understand, but the funny thing is is that he doesnt understand me either sometimes because of my accent. weird. i didnt know my accent was that strong haha. Where does he live? the Well or is it a Barn? haha so how did this happen you might wonder. gee i have no idea to tell you the truth... let me tell you what i do know. Last sunday i met his friend (apparently he was right beside him...liar! i didnt see him...oh well). Monday for fhe i saw him. ya he was cute but i wasnt interested. then we got talking after family home evening and we just talked and talked and talked it was great. then he asked for my number. i was surprised i kinda froze lol but i gave it to him none the less. then tuesday he came over to my friends house and we watched a movie and woah what we held hands. ok eager beaver haha ps hes an RM so we know what that means...he moves fast cuz hes used to it lol...anywho then wednesday came and we went to Boston Pizza . Thursday? we went to my other friends house and watched a movie and cuddled. He wanted to kiss me that night i know it, but i just wasnt feeling it. Friday....ok that night we kissed. saturday? we went to Moxies. so ya were dating.... its kinda just obvious but really confusing at the same time because it is going so fast and i am slowing it down. I dont want to hurt him and i dont know where it is going to get from here. I dont know how long we are going to date and what not. he is a funny funny guy and so nice and sweet but i dont know where that will go so as for now we will see and i will keep you posted. until next time

Have you ever just felt discouraged about almost everything? I am. I feel like everything i want to hold on to seems to slip away and i end up alone, everytime. Maybe you might think im exaggerating and im not saying this to have pity or you to think that my life sucks, it doesnt. but here are some examples. ... have you just felt overwhelmed and annoyed about things that you seem to not change? like for me its weight... Yes i think im fat...not like all the other girls that actually skinny and just say that for attention. ... I "know" i am fat because i can see, feel it and can hold it. Ive been trying to lose weight since March hard core and i lost 13 pounds...felt GREAT but then i seemed to forget to work out and eat well and all the sudden i gained 10 pounds... ya so im back at the beginning... Ive been trying for a while now again, eating well, excersising even harder, doing workouts that will give me nice muscles and i cant seem to lose any. It is frustrating, tiring and depressing. I am trying so hard to look good for myself and feel good and nothing gets off. now not only that but my father seems to think i am getting fat and already there. great! that doesnt help having someone telling you you are fat. so now i am even more conscious about it. another thing is that my good friend left on his misson. hes been gone since August as you have read all the other blogs. I felt that it was ok liking him and that possibly in the future there would be a chance for him and i... now i dont even know how i feel AT ALL. Im so confused, tired, sad, happy, proud for him, hopeful and more confused. You see i send him a package for Christmas and guess what...he send me one too. At first I was soooo excited and happy and surprised. thats the last thing i expected him to do. i thought i would get a letter like a month later but i got a package the week after Christmas. Its great, one of the things he send me is a CD of songs he used to sing to me all the time before he left so he recored them ( hiim playing and singing). It felt great hearing him sing again, his little voice trying to hard to over power haha good memories. but right now im not so sure i like hearing his voice. he left. I dont know how i feel anymore. its not a no at all but i dont know if its a yes and im confused because im trying to remember what i felt and i cant seem to... i hate that. its like i miss him so much that im rejecting him and pushing him out of my head... i hate that im doing that but i am so confused. i wish i could just talk face to face to Heavenly Father and just ask him bluntly what is going to happen to me ? and then just record that and always remember...but i guess that isnt faith and a little self centered. another thing i seem to be frustrated about is where my life is going. I have many dreams but so little money. i want to get my education and travel travel travel. i also want a family and a house and a car but i dont know how. yes i do know how but i dont know where but at that same time yes i do. i guess i just need to trust it hey. sorry if this blog doesnt make any sense. now the last thing is friends. i feel as though all my friends are so distant. i thought i had many friends and close ones but then i think and i dont really know. i am yet again left alone, in the dark. i guess im ok being independent but who doesnt like a little company. now i dont know if im doing something wrong but i seem to not be able to hold on to my friends. they all end up getting married, going on missions, goign to school and yet here i am still at home... no boyfriend... going to school close to home. i know there is nothing wrong with that and i will have my turn but its weird i think. anyway this blog is making no sense whatsoevre but it felt good to write and just throw out  my emotions. goodnight

Working out

Funny that im talking about working out right on the new year hey? well i dont mean to but have you ever had such a nice system in your day and worked out, ate well and was just happy with your life? and all the sudden the holidays came like christmas and youre whole family comes and celebrate and eat. All the sudden youve forgotten to work out and you eat poorly every day and keep telling yourself that you will start again tomorrow and stop eating all that junk. You keep telling yourself that you will go back into working out and excersicing to get back into shape...but we all know that never happened. So you try to set up your alarm in the morning, but you wouldnt get up. Youve probably tried making posters or scheduals to motivate yourself into getting back in the game, but it never really did anything. What now?? So one day you got really angry with yourself because you see that the fat is litterally pilling up so you finally just go ahead and try to get back. Oh my goodness, its the hardest thing isnt it!! so keep pushing yourself and man on man you just wanna give up and just go back to sleep haha but you keep going! well let me tell you it has been so hard for me to get back into it but here i am pushing myself and its going well. some days i cant even finish the workout but i know i am getting stronger. My brother in law showed me this new workout and holy crap its great but painful! but i am here to tell you that you can do it! if you put your mind into it, you can do anything. just keep pushing yourself and everything will be alright. just be patient and stay positive.

A thousand Years

[Christina Perri - A Thousand Years Lyrics]
Heartbeats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed that I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more
One step closer
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more
[ Lyrics from http://www.songonlyrics.com/christina-perri-a-thousand-years-lyrics ]
 
Isnt this song great!!! I just love it!! I love how it says "one step closer". Its like one step closer to love, on step closer to the person you love. I like to think of my life and future husband one step closer every day. who knows when this will happen and who with but i am one step closer every day whether it feels like it or not. Its like thinking of my friend on his mission. I like to think that he is on his way home and not think of when he left. It has more of a positive side to it i guess. I like to picture him at his farewell, sitting at the front by the pulpet and just smiling and nervous but the same time at peace and just think about him coming home and finally seeing him again and remembering all the little details of his face and personality because as time goes on we seem to forget those things and i am looking forward to seeing him again, so he is one step closer. :)
I also love the part that says "I have loved you for a thousand years...I’ll love you for a thousand more". Now how romantic is that!!! that just makes my heart melt... :) Oh man oh man!!! gives me chills! Tat song seriously makes me so happy and calm and excited at the same time just for my futur i guess. How beautiful :) goodnight bloggers. until next time
just love.

my night?

Hello hello hello! Happy New Years everyone!! ok let me tell you about my night. I got invited to a Waterton Party at the Community Hall and so i went with my twin and my good friend "George". We were having such a good time driving there that once there we started telling eachother what we are scared of and all the sudden we were all so scared in the car!! It was so weird haha!!!!!! but then we found the Center after getting yelled at by some random drunk guy telling us he was going to call the police because i accidently drove on his lawn... sorry sir!! haha anywho so then we walk in the building and theres tooooons of people! wow its gonna be fun we already know! then comes the time to DANCE! now the party can begin!! yahooo!! so were dancing our hearts out, im having a blast and so is pretty much everyone there too!! Im seeing my friends and dancing with them , nothing can get better!! just kidding it DID! i see this cute cowboy standing there...hes not even DANCING!! what...the...heck...thats not allowed haha so i give myself a nice lil challenge. "I am going to make that hottie dance tonight" so i tried ALL NIGHT well not all night but i came back a couple times trying to make him dance and dance beside him. He was loving it haha but he would not budge and just look at me smiling haha. he was so cute. anywho fast forward here at the end i saw him DANCE...he dance for one song...sorta haha he was bouncing a little bit BUT THAT COUNTS :)
then the dance was over and our eyes met so i walked to him and he was leaving so he looks at me and says goodbye and TIPED HIS HAT! AWEEE AND GAVE ME THE LONGEST HANDSHAKE haha he was seriously the CUTEST :) he was so shy but same time not. I felt like an idiot dancing by him and trying to make him dance but you know what, it wasnt a bad idiot feeling, it was actually nice haha. thank you random cowboy. may we please meet again in the future :) if not then you have a great life!! i hope you will meet that beautiful Cowgirl of your dreams haha.

reminder

ok yall just a reminder that this website is not at all super serious. they are just my thoughts and sometimes not even formal. i consider it more like a journal.