Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Yo Yo Yo

Hi there. I am so very sorry I haven't written lately. I havent been feeling myself ... you see my best friend left on his mission a year ago this month. Wow I have mixed feelings about this... I would say it went by super duper fast but then again it is kinda going slow to me. When he left I think he took a part of me. I havent been feeling the same at all and I hate myself for it. So now I am trying to get myself back... you might ask why I havent been feeling myself...did i love him? and so forth... well this is a complicated story... You see I dont know how I feel about this particular Best Friend. If I would have to choose right this second who I would want to spend my eternities with, well theres noone Id rather be with then this lovely man, but since there is still loads of time to decide i just dont know you guys. He has all the qualities i thought men didnt have anymore but turns out ive been falling for the wrong dudes. He is patient, he is loving, he is considerate, he is attractive, he is not a jerk, he doesnt get mad in fact he promised me he would never be mad at me... hold up WHO IN THE RIGHT MIND DOES THAT... I am a crazy woman and I know I will make my man mad at some points, its because I over analize and think... but no matter what ive done hes always been able to keep his cool and smile at me and still sing and play me songs. Hes always been there for me no matter what, even if he lived 40 minutes away he would be at the front of my house just in case I needed a hug or someone to talk to...even when we would be on the phone he would still be at the front...just in case. He would text me even if his phone screen was completely white and couldnt see a thing. He would call me at lunch and sing me more songs. We would play I Spy over the phone... kms away... he would talk to me at 2am when I was lost in lethbridge. He would let me drive his car... name me one guy that trusts a girl to drive his car. Words cant describe how I feel for him. I am simply happy. My soul is still. I love that man and he is growing so much in the Lords work, becoming a man of God. Now you are probably thinking ''wow shes in love'' but im actually not. I'm trying not to think about it since weve never had anything between us, we were always best friends, we understood eachother and if we didnt we werent scared to explain. Im sorry this post probably doesnt make any sense at all and i kind of feel like deleting it and starting again but I'm just not sure what to write at this moment. I guess when he comes home we'll see if anything is a possibility for the future but for now I will be concentrating on school and school and school and myself. I dont know what the future lies ahead for me but I will get my career and I will perfect myself so when I meet my eternal companion, whenever that is, as long as it takes, I will be ready for the next step. It can take a decade or two or three i dont really mind just as long as I'm ready. I know being alone sucks majorly and I hate it but Ive got eternity to spend it with my love so why rush to find him when there is so much to do?! So my friends I will make my bucket list bigger and I will actually check the boxes off and start my own adventure because it's out there and I am so ready for it. Goodnight my friends. And remember, those jerks that love to break our hearts, they dont win at end because we get someone so much better and they get the bad apples...